how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
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