I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
Randomize
