I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Randomize
