I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
But i did once see a show where a women was homeless and installed a stove in a school bus so she and her baby could live there since all the seats were taken out. As far as being homeless goes it didn't look half bad...So this is me promising to you that if i ever am living in an abandoned school bus...i will at least pimp it out with a stove so you can come over for dinner sometimes
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
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