I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Randomize
