Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
Randomize
