I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
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