so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
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