turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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