My brain says no but my pants say off.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
