but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Randomize
