Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
Randomize
