he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
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