I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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