She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Randomize
