some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize
