I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
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