I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Randomize
