Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
Randomize
