she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
