Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
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