I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
