Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
