so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
