I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
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