YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Randomize
