Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Randomize
