Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
Randomize
