Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
Acid is not a monday night drug
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
Randomize
