oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
