I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
Randomize
