So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
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