dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
Randomize
