I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
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