Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
