If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
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