It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
whose ass print is on the piano?
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
I can't put those talents on a resume
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
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