STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
