belinda wants 2 know wr u got ur butt pads
i dont wear butt pads that thang is au naturel
Yeah...right...LMAO
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
Randomize
