if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
Randomize
