I seem to have left my pride at pride
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
