Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
Randomize
