I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Randomize
