you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
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