My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
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