Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
