It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Randomize
