I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
Randomize
