just come out here and I will go home with you...
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
