when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Randomize
